Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
