idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
