i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
