My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
tell me about the fingering
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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