Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
