this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
