Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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