And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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