4 words: hood of his car
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
