kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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