Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Randomize
