Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize