There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
