I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
