does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize