Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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