Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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