someone owes me an orgasm
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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