It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
