ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
