It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
