Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
