So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
