I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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