Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
