i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
there is glitter all over my balls
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