so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize