Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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