get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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