If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
