It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
