My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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