3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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