what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
