If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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