just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
