Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
