I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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