Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
