i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
