I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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