The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
