you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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