my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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