I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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