fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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