having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
