so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
