Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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