going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
