one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
