i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
