i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize