In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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