I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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