just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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