I can tuck mytits in my pants
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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