Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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