Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
