wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
