Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
