we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
