you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
