Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
