You smell like stripper and shame
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
