I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my phone needs a breathalizer
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize