What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
