everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So here I am, sexting at work.
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