I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just puked most of my soul out..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
