Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
