you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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